On Birthing Babies and Personal Growth
In the last four years, I have had 3 pregnancies, C-Section, babies, and built a community that has allowed me to thrive despite all of it while working full-time
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My post on twitter went viral. I am still confused by how that works honestly. But there’s been a recurring theme of comments and I want to address them the best I can. The most important thing people want to know is how I was able to birth three babies within four year and still accomplish so much. First, I do not recommend having children so close in age without expert medical advice. Now that we have that out of the way, let’s dive into what I believe are my guiding principles when it comes to my family, home, and career.
So how is it possible to build a high-powered career and optimized home?
1] Pregnancy is an extreme sport, and access to top-notch medical care is super important for women and families. I’ve carried all of my 4 babies to full-term and 4 successful C-section by receiving the best medical care possible. I also wanted to be done with kids by age 35, so I sat down with my doctor and mapped out a 20months and 24months gaps between my 3 CS within 4yrs. For those who know me, I love working in sprints. We move!
2] Your first criteria for a partner should be whether or not he can cook or clean. My now husband showed up at the airport to pick me up with fried Akara “bean balls” made from scratch. Sold! Having a partner that does his own fair share of the household chores have been a game-changer for my career and life. If you are wondering where to begin, please pick up my friend Eve Rodsky’s books Fair Play and Unicorn Space.
3] I had some help along the way. IMO, there is simply too much to do on the homefront when both partners work. The biggest barrier to women achieving is having an extra pair of hands in their home, someone that can pick up the things you or your partner would usually do. If you have to be pulled into a last minute meeting at work and your partner can’t pick up the kids, you are screwed.
4] When you hire a nanny, babysitter, or aupair, take your time in walking them through the vision for your family. Don’t rush this step because you want them doing XYZ already. Just like any business, getting buy in from the team is super instrumental in meeting the household objectives. Treating my nanny like family and supporting them as they support our family have ensured our collective success.
5] Just buy the halloween costume. No seriously, your kids won’t remember you staying up till 2am sewing an outfit that will be tossed by the end of the week. Ruthlessly cut out the unimportant, you are not going to get through your to-do list by doing it all.
6] Operationalize your household tasks. We have optimized the workplace to work efficiently for centuries. We haven’t exactly paid attention to optimizing the home because women already do this work for free. We can change that. Having a routine and systems in place is a solid flex. I highly recommend Joycee Awosika if you are looking for some resources here. Understanding what is being outsourced and what you need to divvy up with your spouse and being accountable is super important on the Homefront. It also makes all that invisible labor at home visible, which is a great first step in redistributing it.
7] When it comes to kids, focus on the JOY factor. My kids are my biggest accomplishment. I don’t focus heavily on the amount of time spent with them. What is important to me and what I ask myself every night is this - did they smile today? Are they happy? Did I surround them with happy people that can make them smile over and over again even when I am not present? This guides hiring their babysitters, what school they attend, activities they do, etc.
8] Let your family come second. No, its really okay. Nobody benefits from an anxious, stressed, and exhausted parent. Take care of yourself, and that is an order. I highly recommend my friend Amanda Goetz’s CBD products for women at House of Wise. It’s a game changer alongside rest. Take control of your sex, stress, and sleep. You will be a better parent for it.
9] Content isn’t king, community is. Having a community of women at Mother Honestly who are going through similar things in motherhood, work, and life have been my biggest secret weapon. I have learned so much from other women, cried with them, laughed with them, traveled with them, and live contently in the feeling that I am not alone in this wonderful chaotic parenting life.
10] Paddle your own canoe, and don’t compare yourself to others. You will get advice from various people - friends, family, and foes - on how to run your household, relationship, work, and life, do what feels right to you. You understand your motivation, your vision, your dream more than anybody else. Go ahead, paddle on.
Thanks for reading the Unlearn newsletter! I will try hard to make it a newsletter you look forward to each week, so if you have something you would like to unlearn, or something you recently unlearned, I will like to hear from you.
Let’s unlearn to achieve!
✌🏻 Blessing
You can also learn more about what I am building for women and families at Mother Honestly or a little more about me on my Website, Twitter or LinkedIn and follow along my daily routine on Instagram.
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